Friday, August 31, 2012

Supu

Jamaa mmoja aliingia kwa Hoteli, akaagiza supu. muhudumu akampletea supu huku ametumbukiza kidole chake cha mkono.Yule mteja akakasirika na kumkaripia mhudumu:

MTEJA:Kwanini unatumbukiliza kidole chako kwenye supu yangu?

MHUDUMU:Niliambiwa na Daktari kidole changu kisipate baridi, kinahitaji joto.

MTEJA:Fck u, kwanini usikiweke hicho kidole kwenye mk**ndu wako.

MHUDUMU:Nilishakichomeka huko Kabla sijakiweka kwenye supu .

What a Coincidence Is...

* JESUS has 5 letters, but so does SATAN
* HATE has 4 letters, but so does LOVE.
* ENEMIES has 7, but so does FRIENDS.
* LYING has 5, but so does TRUTH.
* HURT has 4, but so does HEAL.
* NEGATIVE has 8, but so does POSITIVE.
* FAILURE has 7, but so does SUCCESS.
* UNDER has 5, but so does ABOVE
Is all this by coincidence?... In this life, you only have one choice.. choose wisely.

Wale wa Mbagala Inawahusu!

Hii imetokea Mbagala katika purukushani za kugombea daladala masikini bibi wa watu akafanikiwa kupata siti,basi kwa furaha machozi yakaanza kumtoka ikabidi konda amuulize ''bibi vipi mbona unalia tena'' yule bibi akamjibu ''aah we acha tu mjukuu wangu nipo hapa Mbagala kwa miaka 30 lakini sijawahi kupata siti kwenye daladala hata siku moja ndio leo nimebahatika konda akamjibu ''duuh pole bibi lakini hiyo siti uliyokalia ni ya dereva''

Soma

Inaburudisha sana pale unapoamka usiku unaangalia saa unagundua bado una masaa mawili zaidi ya kuendelea kulala kabla ya muda wa kuamka kwenda kazini/shuleni/chuoni kufika.

Mbuyu Twitte jana mara baada ya kuwasili Dar


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

NEIL ALDEN ARMSTRONG.ON MOON 1969




BOLT


Three Simple Words

Three Simple Words

Three words together
Are all I can find?
To tell you the way I feel
And so I say them
As I have before
But still
I want to tell you more

So I give you a kiss

And hold you tight
To go with my words so few
And try to express the way I feel
In a different way for you

Three words that's all

No more can I find
To tell you the way I feel
And so I say them
Again, once more
Forgetting
I've told you before

Then you give me a kiss

And look into my eyes
That's when you tell me too
These words
Three words
We both know will do
"I LOVE YOU"

Hii sijui itafutika lini???


Mtoto wa Mzee Yusuf Makmba na mdogo wa Naiibu Waziri wa Mawasiliano,Sayansi na Teknolojia, na vilevile aliyekua Chief officer: Marketing and Corporate Affairs katika kampuni ya Vodacom Tanzania, Mwamvita Makamba amehamishiwa kwenye ofisi ya makao makuu ya kampuni hiyo yaliyopo afrika kusini

Cheka kidogo

Boti ilipokuwa inataka kuzama abiria wakakubaliana watupe mizgo yao baharini! Mzung akatupa compyuta akasema kwe2 zpo tele. Mchna akatupa box la sim akasema kwe2 zpo tele. Mhindi akamwaga kiroba cha tambuu akasema kwe2 zpo kibao. Mmasai aka2pa shanga akasema kwe2 zpo nying. Mchaga akawa anahaha hajui cha ku2pa cos kila ki2 chake alikionea uchungu, ghafla akamsukuma mmasai akasema, Yesu na Maria hawa wapo tele Arusha.

Friday, August 24, 2012

VIDIC RARING TO GO

Nemanja Vidic admits he cannot wait to run out at Old Trafford again after returning from a serious knee injury. The Reds skipper has not appeared at the Theatre of Dreams since last November, when he featured in the 1-1 draw with Newcastle United, and he is desperate to make up for lost time by helping to regain the league title. "I've been waiting for it for a long time," he told United Review, the official matchday programme. "I've already played at Everton, but I'm looking forward to playing at Old Trafford. "It's always nice to run out in front of 75,000 people at home. We have had great support through the years; we know from the first minute we will have really strong support, and we will need that. We know it will be a difficult game and it's important to win and have three points, then we can start from there." Fulham are sure to prove awkward opponents as they head north in great spirits after a 5-0 victory against Norwich on the opening day. "I think they will come to enjoy playing football," he added. "They often play good football and the players they have now are playing some nice short passes, and it's good to play against that kind of team. Obviously it will be a tough game because they had such a good result in their first game, and it's important to them that they can come here and enjoy it. It's a difficult game and obviously we have to be prepared."

HUU NI ULEVI ULIOPITILIZA!! CHUKUA HATUA< ULEVI NOMAAAA!!!




Tulikotoka na tunapoeleka kunajulikana kabisaaaaaa

KAZI NDIO MSINGI WA MAENDELEO. NCHI MASIKINI HAIWEZI KUENDELEA KWA MSINGI WA FEDHA. NCHI MASIKINI HAIWEZI KUJITAWALA KAMA INATEGEMEA MSAADA KUTOKA NCHI ZA NJE- J. K. NYERERE

ULEVI NI NOUMAAAA


Uses of ON and IN when referring date

use of ON when referring date
On is used when the specific date of a month is known.Examples

1.The meeting was conducted on July 6th 2005.
2.The money will be paid to you on August 22nd next year.

use of IN when referring date
In is used when the exact date of the month is not known or you know it but you are not interested in mentioning the exact date you just want to mention the month.

1.The board meeting was conducted in July 2005.(here the date is any date but within the month of July 2005)
2.The money will be paid to you in December 2012.(here the exact day of the month not known or it is known but no need to mention it).
Ni hayo tu kwa leo,one step at a time.
Let me know if you found this information useful to you.

Mume mwema na bora: Sifa na wajibu wake...

Sifa za Mume mwema:

Wapendwa wana JF wenzangu leo nimeona tuongelee sifa za mume mwema; nitasimulia/fafanua kama inavyoongelewa ki Biblia. Nimeona niweke hizi sifa hapa sio tu kwa wanandoa kukumbushana bali hata kwa vijana watarajiwa kuelewa sifa na wajibu wa mume mwema.

Nimeanza na sifa na mistari michache inayoongelea mume katika ndoa ya Kikristo.

1. Aliyesimama katika imani na tayari kuitetea katika familia:

1 Wakorintho 11:3Lakini napenda muelewe kwamba Kristo ni kichwa cha kila mwanamume, kama vile mume alivyo kichwa cha mkewe, na Mungu ni kichwa cha Kristo.

Waefeso 5:23Kwa maana mume ni kichwa cha mke kama vile Kristo alivyo kichwa cha kanisa, ambalo ni mwili wake, naye mwe nyewe ni Mwokozi wa kanisa.

Ikumbukwe huyu ndiye anauamuzi wa mwisho katika familia akiamua kuukana ukristo, kurudi nyuma inakuwa na athari kubwa sana katika familia. Hivyo hii ndio nguzo ya ndoa ya Kikristo.


2. Ampende mkewe:

Waefeso 5:33Hata hivyo kila mmoja wenu ampende mkewe kama anavyoipenda nafsi yake. Upendo ni nguzo ya Pili na pia ni moja ya tunda la Roho katika ndoa.

Hapa naomba nieleze hii ndoa inayoongelewa ni ya Kikristo hivyo upendo huu hauwezi kuutenga na upendo wa Kristo kwa ujumla, je upendo unaelezwaje katika Biblia:


a. Huleteana heshima Warumi 12:10
Pendaneni ninyi kwa ninyi kwa upendo wa kindugu. Waheshimuni wengine kuliko mnavyojiheshimu wenyewe.

b. Hufadhiliana: Atakupa mahitaji yako bila kujali nani anazalisha zaidi, hatajali cheo aua elimu yako. Maana katika ndoa mwingine anaweza panda zaidi ya mwingine lakini sio sababu ya kumwacha kwa kujiona utaonekana duni. (kuwa na kiburi)
1 Wakorintho 13:4 4Upendo huvumilia, upendo hufadhili; upendo hauna wivu au majivuno.

c. Hauna ubinafsi na kusameheana: Hatatunza maƱosa yake moyoni atasamehe na kusahau, haujihesabii haki
1 Wakorintho 13:4-8 5Upendo hauna kiburi na haukosi kuwa na adabu. Upendo hautafuti kujipendeza nafsi; haukasiriki upesi, hauweki orodha ya mabaya.

d. Huonyana: atakwambia kama unakosea na siyo kukuacha upotee na marafiki wabaya
1 Wakorintho 13:4-8 6Upendo haufurahii mabaya, bali hufurahia kweli,

e. Hustahimiliana: hata uwe mgumba, mlemavu, unakasoro gani atakuvumilia.
1 Wakorintho 13:4-8 7Upendo huvumilia yote, huamini yote, hutumaini yote, hustahimili yote,

f. Hauna ukomo au mipaka: Atakupenda hadikifo sio siku anaamka ‘mimi na wewe basi” 1 Wakorintho 13:4-8 8Upendo hauna mwisho. Lakini penye unabii, utakoma; zikiwepo lugha zitakoma; yakiwepo maarifa yatakwisha.

3. Heshima na huruma:
Heshima humfanya mtu ajione unamjali, wanaume wengine atasema anapenda lakini anamwita mwenzie hajasoma, ametoka familia duni, hafanani na hali yangu, kwakweli huku ni kumdhalilisha mwenzioa
1 Petro 3: 7 – 9 7Kadhalika ninyi waume, ishini na wake zenu kwa kuwahurumia, mkitambua ya kuwa wao ni dhaifu na hivyo muwape heshima, kwa maana ninyi ni warithi pamoja nao wa neema ya uzima. Fanyeni hivyo ili sala zenu zisizuiliwe.

4. Amtimizie haja zake za kimwili:
Mume anatakiwa kujali mahitaji ya kimwili ya mke, kama mume amesimama katika imani yake ataenenda kwa roho na mke vivyo ni roho atakaewaongoza hata katika hili na si mikanda ya video, magazeti au daktari labda uwe na ugonjwa.
1 Korintho 7: 3-5: 3Mume atimize wajibu wake wa ndoa kwa mkewe; na hali kadhalika mke kwa mumewe. 4Kwa maana mke hatawali mwili wake mwenyewe, bali mume wake ndiye autawalaye. Vivyo hivyo, mume hata wali mwili wake mwenyewe, bali mkewe ndiye anayeutawala. 5Msinyimane, isipokuwa kama mmekubaliana kufanya hivyo kwa muda mfupi ili muwe na nafasi nzuri ya maombi. Lakini baada ya muda huo rudianeni tena shetani asije akapata nafasi ya kuwajaribu kwa sababu ya kushindwa kujizuia.

5. Ajue kulea watoto:
Mume ndiye baba pia hivyo asiishie kupenda mke tu watoto hajui wanasoma vipi, wanaishi vipi, anaacha malezi na makuzi yote kwa mama, siku watoto wakiharibika anaanza kumlaumu mama. Watoto wanahitaji wazazi wote wawili ili kukua katika mwenendo mzuri wa maadili ya Kikristo.
1 Timotheo3: 4 4Aweze kuisimamia nyumba yake vizuri akiwafanya watoto wake kuwa wanyenyekevu na wenye heshima katika hali zote. (Hata kama imetajwa kuwa ni sifa ya Askof ila imebainishwa ni moja ya sifa za mume)

6. Aiheshimu ndoa / asiwe mzinzi:
Kuna wanaume ambao anaweza kukupatia mahitaji yote muhimu, lakini ni mzinzi tena wala hafichi, hii kwakweli ndio sababu kubwa ya kuvunjika ndoa nyingi sasa hivi. Ulipoapa mbele za Mungu utampenda mwenzio hadi kifo iweje uchangie upendo huu na wengine, hapa ni kama umesema “nilikupenda lakini sasa nimepata mwingine hivyo unamruhusu aondoke katika ndoa yenu” wengine hawaishii hapa anafukuza na kuoa mwingine kabisa. Mwanamke anahitaji kuona kuwa yeye ndiye pekee anayepewa upendo huu na mumewe na sio kuchangia na msururu wa wenza.
Waebrania 13:4 Ndoa iheshimiwe na watu wote, na wenye ndoa wawe waaminifu kwa wenzi wao ; maana Mungu atawahukumu wazinzi na waasherati.
Mathayo 19:9-11 9 Nami nawaambieni, mtu ye yote anayemwacha mkewe, isipokuwa kwa sababu ya uasherati, akaoa mke mwingine, anazini.'' [``Na mtu anayemwoa mwanamke aliyepewa talaka pia anazini.'']


7. Anayejitegemea kwa kimawazo na mali:

Kuna waume ambao pamoja na umri wa kuoa bado anategemea baba, mama, kaka, dada kwa mahitaji yake na pia hata mawazo afanye nini. Sio vibaya kukaa na ndugu hasa kama ni wema na wanatabia nzuri pia wasioingilia ndoa yako. Na ni vizuri pia kupata ushauri wa waliotuzidi katika mambo mbalimbali unayotaka kufanya lakini isiwe ni kikwazo cha upendo, heshima na uhuru wa ndoa yenu. Mume awe anajitegemea awe mbunifu akimshirikisha mkewe ili pamoja waweze kujitegemea na sio kutegemea wazazi hadi kutawaliwa hapa hata uimara wa Imani yake unaegemea huko anakofadhiliwa.

Marko 10:7Na kwa sababu hii mume atamwacha baba yake na mama yake na hao wawili, watakuwa mwili mmoja.

Hapa ina maana aweze kumtunza mkewe na familia pamoja na kumwezesha.

Mbarikiwe

Huku kwetu tunacheza la aina hii sijui huko kwenu



WACHEZAJI WAVUTA BANGI KUKIONA-TFF

SHIRIKISHO la Soka Tanzania (TFF), limesema litaanza kufanyia kazi kwa vitendo tatizo la utumiaji wa dawa za kulevya hususan bangi unaodaiwa kufanywa na baadhi ya wachezaji hapa nchini.
Akizungumza jijini Dar es Salaam jana, Rais wa TFF, Leodegar Tenga, alisema miongoni mwa changamoto kubwa zinazowakabili ni kile kinachodaiwa kuwa baadhi ya wachezaji wanatumia bangi, ingawa bado hawajapata ushahidi.
“Tunasikia, lakini hatuna ushahidi, kwamba vijana wetu wanatafuna bangi, ila viongozi wengi wamekuwa wakilisemea pembeni, sisi kama wazazi jukumu letu ni kuwaelimisha juu ya athari zake, maana wao wanaotumia wanaweza kuona inawaongezea hamasa, lakini hawajui madhara yake,” alisema Tenga.
Alisema wameagiza suala hilo lianze kufanyiwa kazi katika timu ya taifa, Taifa Stars na Ligi Kuu Bara, ambako viongozi wanapaswa kukaa chini na vijana wao kuwapa elimu nasaha, kabla ya kuanza kuchukuliwa hatua.
“Bangi na mpira ni vitu viwili tofauti, tumeagiza elimu ianze kutolewa kuanzia national team (timu ya taifa) na Premier League (Ligi Kuu), ikiwezekana waletewe hata wataalamu waweze kuwapa elimu kabla hatujaanza kuchukua hatua, ambapo kutakuwa na testing (vipimo) ya kushtukiza na atakayekataa, kanuni zinachukua mkondo wake mara moja,” alisisitiza Tenga.
Tenga aliongeza kuwa, suala hilo litawekwa katika kanuni za Ligi Kuu na tayari Kamati ya Tiba imepewa maelekezo kuhusiana na hilo, ambapo litaanza kufanyiwa kazi mara tu elimu itakapokuwa imetolewa kwa walengwa.
Jumamosi iliyopita, Waziri wa Habari, Utamaduni na Michezo, Dk. Fenera Mukangara pia aliwataka wachezaji chipukizi kutojiingiza katika utumiaji wa dawa za kulevya wakati akitoa zawadi kwa washindi wa michuano ya BancABC SUP8R, ambapo Simba walitwaa ubingwa.
Katika hatua nyingine, Tenga ameelezea kufurahishwa na hamasa iliyoko katika usajili hapa nchini, lakini akakosoa watu wasio wataalamu wa ufundi kuendesha zoezi hilo, badala ya makocha au kamati za ufundi.
Alisema walikubaliana kuruhusu usajili wa nyota kutoka nje kwa lengo la kuhamasisha ushindani hapa nchini, kwani njia nzuri ya kumpa ujuzi mchezaji ni kumpa nafasi kucheza na yule aliye mzuri zaidi.
“Utamaduni duniani kote, usajili unafanywa na kocha, lakini hapa mchezaji anasajiliwa na mdhamini au kiongozi, mambo ambayo hujiingiza kwenye matatizo, timu ikifungwa wanachama wanakufuata nyumbani. Mi huwa nashangaa timu ikifungwa watu wanavamia viongozi, kumbe hatujajiweka vizuri,” alisema.
Tenga alitaka wataalamu ndio wapewe jukumu hilo, huku akisisitiza kuwa, vijana wenye vipaji ambao wapo hivi sasa hapa nchini wapewe nafasi na si lazima kukimbilia nje, labda iwe kwa mchezaji mzuri zaidi.
Chanzo: Tanzania Daim

Messi, Pedro na Xavi waiangusha Real Madrid 3:2

Barcelona came from behind to take a slender lead from the first leg of the Spanish Supercopa at the Camp Nou.
Cristiano Ronaldo headed Real into the lead against the run of play 10 minutes into the second half from Mesut Ozil's corner, but Barcelona responded as Pedro showed great poise to slot home a minute later.
The action then raced from end to end and it was the hosts who forged ahead 20 minutes from time when Lionel Messi scored from the penalty spot after Sergio Ramos had brought down Andres Iniesta.
Then a terrific jinking run from Iniesta freed Xavi to stroke home Barcelona's third goal seven minutes later.
However, the visitors were gifted a way back into the tie five minutes from time when Barcelona goalkeeper Victor Valdes tried to dribble around Angel Di Maria and only succeeded in gifting the Argentinian an open goal.
Barcelona were deserving of the victory but may rue not taking full advantage after dominating for large spells against a Real side who failed to find the cohesion that had seen them go unbeaten in three of their last four trips to the Camp Nou.
Messi had the first real chance of the game when a typically sharp Barcelona passing exchange freed Dani Alves down the right and his cut-back found the Argentinian on the edge of the penalty area, but his left-footed drive flew just off target.
The world player of the year then had an even better opportunity from similar range as he skipped past Alvaro Arbeloa but this time pulled his shot wide of the other upright.
Real were struggling to manage any prolonged possession and were relieved to see referee Carlos Clos Gomez wave away appeals for a penalty when Alexis Sanchez tumbled in the box under pressure from Ramos.
However, for all their dominance Barcelona only had another two long-range efforts on goal as Pedro's drive was tipped over by Iker Casillas before Xavi shot just over from similar range.
And it was the visitors who took the lead 10 minutes into the second period as Ozil's corner was bulleted in by Ronaldo for his fourth goal in his last four away games against Barcelona.
The lead lasted less than a minute as a wonderful ball over the top from Javier Mascherano found Pedro in behind Fabio Coentrao and the Spanish international slotted past Casillas.
The game then became increasingly stretched as both sides tired slightly from playing in the still searing heat, despite the 10.30pm kick-off time, and the visitors' luck with Gomez eventually ran out as Iniesta was brought down inside the area by Ramos and Messi stepped up to thunder home the penalty.
Moments later Iniesta showed incredible speed of foot to dance past three Real challenges and slip a pass through for Xavi to sidefoot past Casillas.
Messi then had a great chance to all but seal the trophy but he was denied from point-blank range by Casillas, and within seconds the complexion of the tie had completely changed as Valdes' error allowed Di Maria to give Madrid a lifeline heading into the return at the Bernabeu next Wednesday.